Two Intimacy Killers

Two intimacy killers that I see in most relationships that survive past a year?

Control and criticism.

Control is an interesting one because we tend to think of control in very extreme ways, when it’s often much more subtle.

It can come off as a suggestion for example, about what someone should eat or drink, when they should sleep, how they should do x,y,z.

It’s not nearly as diabolical as we typically think it to be -

What it is, is fear.

And fear as we know, is the opposite of love. It literally lives on the other end of the spectrum.

Control implies a lack of trust, and I promise you, your man wants to be trusted.

The other killer, criticism, can also be a sneaky one. 

We all know of the extreme cases - criticizing someone’s weight, or attacking their character.

But layering in the subtle criticisms over time, like commenting on how they wash the dishes, changed the diaper wrong, don’t dress as nicely as they used to, etc etc. can do just as much damage over time.

It’s the perpetual underlying current that says, you are not enough.

Which likely comes from a place of not feeling enough yourself.

And definitely creates a space of angst, friction and hostility where there once used to be closeness and trust.

Your partner wants to feel like they are the safe with you, as you so long to feel with them.

That they can be themselves with you.

That you see their light and not only their shadows.

That you are their biggest cheerleader.

If I can give you any piece of advice as you navigate the deeper stages of your relationship, it’s to reign in the control and criticism.

Relax your fear and make space for more love.

This is not a competition or a test. This is a call to unconditional love.

Are you ready for it? 

With love,

Diana