The Emotional "Driver" of Your Relationship
Ladies, you might need to be the emotional drivers of your relationships - and that’s ok.
In a recent conversation I had with my very wise friend, she brought up the concept of the “emotional driver” in relationships - the person who leads most of the deeper, more emotionally driven conversations in their relationship.
I instantly said, “oh wow, that is totally me”.
And so began our fruitful conversation.
As we explored this idea I realized that yes, I am the one who has initiated most of the “big” conversations in my relationship with Jack - including talking about the direction of our relationship in the first year of our dating.
I also realized that while I may be the driver, he is definitely the one following through.
While he may not be the one to bring them up, he is open and absolutely great at following through. And, in most cases, he actually thanks me for initiating.
I bring up wanting more connection for example, and he follows through with my coming in for more spontaneous hugs and kisses while we’re both working from home.
I’m totally comfortable being the driver. In fact, it feels like I’m very much leaning into my natural strength and feminine essence - I open the door, and he has the choice to walk through it.
So if you’re a woman reading this, and you are waiting for your partner to bring up some big talks, I want you to know - you may be waiting forever.
It might be up to you to “drive” the conversations, and that is totally ok - what matters are the following:
Is he willing to participate and follow through? If yes, you’ve got yourself a winner. If not, it’s very hard to grow with someone who won’t entertain the deeper stuff.
Are you taking personal responsibility for your feelings? Just because you’re the driver, doesn’t mean you have to bring everything up. Some things are for you to work through on your own. And while you can absolutely let your partner in on your process, in some cases it’s a little more of a solo gig.
So my question to you is, were you the emotional driver in your past or current relationship? And if so, how do you feel about being in that role?
This is a big topic, let’s dig in!
With love,
Diana