Relationships Mirror Our Self-Love (or Lack Thereof)

Relationships Mirror Our Self-Love (or Lack Thereof)

Your relationships mirror your inner stuff. Whatever’s going on inside, will show up on your outside – especially with those closest to you. 

This might be a concept you’re familiar with. Though often, when I work with clients, this is one of those mind-blowing moments. “Are you saying that the reason I don’t trust my boyfriend is because I don’t trust myself?”. Yep, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

The Universe aligns you with people who mirror back and magnify your beliefs. That’s why relationships tend to be our greatest spiritual assignments.

Let’s say that you haven’t quite figured out how to be happy on your own, and so you don’t like being alone. Your dependency on your special someone will only cause them to retreat and leave you feeling even lonelier. While you’re asking for more of their time and attention, the mirror is showing you that what you need is to love being with yourself – that you need to give yourself more time and attention. 

When we go into relationships with deep rooted fears (a little caveat: we all have them), we can be sure that they will surface. The question is, how are you going to deal with them?

Step 1: Notice where you tend to get triggered and write those fears down.

Step 2: Accept that they’re there and feel the depths of those fears.

Step 3: Move away from those fears by acting in new ways. You used to panic every time your beau would take more than 20 minutes to write you back? Go out and take a walk, keep busy, and possibly even put your phone away. BREAK FREE FROM YOUR PATTERNS. 

Many of my fears and insecurities were triggered in romantic relationships. Before my marriage, I was in three back to back relationships that had their fair share of issues. After breaking up with the third man in my life, I took a three year hiatus where I didn’t date anyone seriously. In that time, I reflected on the patterns that had played out and two things became abundantly clear to:

I wasn’t being appreciated because I didn’t appreciate myself.

I depended on boyfriends for my happiness because I didn’t know how to create my own.

Knowing this, I got on the path of self-appreciation and self-fulfillment; and by the time I got to my next relationship with the man who’s now my husband, I was (mostly) in love with myself and knew how to create my own happiness – and our relationship reflected this. 

The way you treat yourself affects how others treat you. And the very things you’re looking for externally, someone to make you feel beautiful, to have fun with or to love – are the very things you need to give yourself.

Until I appreciated myself and learned how to make myself happy, I would continue to be paired with men who magnified my lack of those things. And when I learned how to create those states within myself, I attracted a man who amplified how good I already felt. People often tell me I’m lucky, that my husband treats me like a queen. I’m not lucky. I became the queen of my own world, and I attracted my king. 

Relationships mirror our inner stuff; even encounters with strangers reflect how we’re feeling. Ever leave your house feeling like you’re flying so high on happiness, and everyone you meet seems extra friendly that day?

I invite you to spend one day this week witnessing the interactions you have with friends, family, co-workers, lovers and even strangers. How positive or negative are those encounters? Is there more discord or harmony? What triggered you, if anything? Why were you sensitive to specific comments? 

Take time to meditate and journal about the things that come up with the people in your life, and draw out the patterns. Take note of how the way you’re feeling affects the way people react to you, and vice versa.

Spend some time building your inner connection, doing things you love that create internal calmness, and watch how your calmness is reflected back to you in your interaction with others. 

Peace & love,

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