It's More About How He Treats You Than How He Excites You
THE SLOW BURN – Written by School of Love Support Coach, Eleni Dracopoulos
In the Spring of 2021 I joined The Inner Circle, the 6-month School of Love program led by ours truly, Diana Eskander. I was single and ready for possibility, for romance and all the passion and whimsy of a budding new relationship.
Throughout the program Diana shared a variety of notions that would help us build a foundation for the relationship we sought to begin, and one of them was the SLOW BURN.
The slow burn is all about sharing your beautiful and valuable light slowly and gradually. It is the idea of letting the experience of who you are and how you share that with another to be an unfolding. It is the chance to build a solid foundation of appreciation and true emotional intimacy. It is a path of consciously witnessing yourself and the person before you and taking your time to courageously choose if they are truly YOUR next king instead of waiting for a prince to sweep you off your feet in romantic frenzy and unawareness.
Three months into the program, I met my partner on Bumble - and after a couple of first dates decided to give the slow burn a try. I was used to fireworks shows and sparks that didn't lead to second dates. This man had enough of my curiosity to motivate me to try a different way of dating. This month, we celebrated 6 months together and I wanted to share a few things that this approach has taught me about finding a KING and becoming a QUEEN in the process.
IT'S MORE ABOUT HOW HE TREATS YOU THAN HOW HE EXCITES YOU
When someone asks me what I love most about him it is that he is a truly beautiful person. He treats everyone with the utmost kindness and respect, is humble and caring and I know this, because of how beautifully the people around him treat him and enjoy his presence. He also treats me like a Queen, makes me feel taken care of, intently listens to everything I say and pays attention, and takes action to improve things that directly impact our relationship - because it is important to him.
BEING THE CHOOSER CHANGES EVERYTHING
I thought I would recognize my King as soon as I met him - with my now partner, I did not. I was also tired of falling in love. I wanted to rise in love - I wanted to be mindful of the person I was choosing to share my presence and time with. I wanted to feel empowered and aligned in my choice. So, I accumulated all the green flags he showed me from day 1. We grew past arguments and into deep convos together. I was shown consistent presence and that I could trust the man before me. I let myself desire and received over and over again. And day by day over accumulated instances, I slowly started to see myself growing with this person in so many different ways and appreciated him more and more each day, and I knew he was my next chapter.
CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIPS REQUIRE WORK
I have never worked on myself and my side of the street so consistently and so deeply at the onset of a relationship. He represented a container for me to put into practice all the things I had been working on while single, and now it was my chance to integrate, integrate, integrate. Some stuff we need to work on together, some stuff is his to improve, but sooo many things are also for me to work through. My commitment to my own growth and upleveling has truly changed how I experience this relationship.
YOU NEED A PARTNER WHO WANTS TO STRETCH WITH YOU
There are several and important things that my partner and I are aligned on, that flow and feel easeful and fun between us. But then there are the areas we differ in, as well as things that trigger our wounds. Neither of us want us to change who we fundamentally are for the other, but seeing your partner getting curious about a passion that isn’t theirs or doing their best to understand how you function differently and stretch a bit your way so that you can work as a team is what you need to experience, so you know you can grow together.
HARD BEGINNINGS ARE SOMETIMES GOLDEN FOUNDATIONS
My relationship didn’t start in a pink cloud - it started with economic challenges, physical injuries, and sick family members - and it was honestly hard and limiting. It wasn’t always light and fun and eventful like I thought the beginning would be. It was raw, and vulnerable and created an opportunity for deep connection, to learn how to be each other’s support system and a confirmation that we already know how to get through a cloudy season together.
SAFE IS SEXY
All of these previous factors have led me to feel the safest I have ever felt with someone. I know he will show up. I know he can fight fair, apologize and take responsibility for his action. I know we can have ridiculous laughing sessions and important uncomfortable conversations. I know why I am choosing him and I feel chosen. I know I can live difficult things with him and I know we can support each other through it. And all of that allows me to relax and feel like I have a safe playground to play in, explore, discover, be imperfect in and grow with him.
In these last couple of months I am left with a deep radiating love that feels like a warmth that embraces each cell of my body. I feel like anything is possible, like we are just getting started and that I am in a sovereign relationship with a partner who wants to honour me, keep growing with me and build a life with me. If that’s not sexy, I don’t know what is.
We are very quietly starting to welcome women into the next round of School of Love’s Inner Circle – and we’ve got some wildly amazing early bird bonuses for the woman who’s ready to dive into one of the most expansive journeys of her life!
Is that woman you? x