How to Have The "Talk" With Your Man

Have you ever wanted so badly to tell the man you’re seeing that you want to be in a relationship, but felt scared you’d lose him if you did?

If your answer is yes, I want you to know, I can totally relate.

My relationship with my now husband has been beautiful from the start, but I too experienced this fear when 8 months into our seeing each other we hadn’t yet had the “talk”.

I’ll admit that up until that point, I found it completely refreshing to be with a man who wasn’t trying to lock me down as his girlfriend just a few weeks into knowing each other. I enjoyed the slow pace of getting to know each other, until there came a time where I felt the need to express myself more clearly, more honestly.

It’s not easy being vulnerable, but it is necessary for building true intimate and romantic connections.

I want you to know, that it’s not fair to yourself or the man you’re seeing to pretend you don’t want a relationship, if you do. You deserve to live honestly and speak your truth in a way that respects your value and doesn’t scare him away. Here’s how:

Check your energy

The biggest disservice you can do to yourself is to wait too long to express your thoughts, wants and needs. Don’t wait until your emotions start boiling up beneath the surface and spilling out onto the guy you’re seeing before you start expressing yourself. Check the energy you’re bringing to the conversation. Literally ask yourself, what’s my energy like right now? Am I feeling confident or insecure? Happy or despondent? Enthusiastic or pessimistic? You can be vulnerable and in a good feeling place, the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive. 

Layoff the pressure

When you’re talking to the guy you’re seeing, there’s a way to say things where you don’t imply that you need him to fulfill your needs. Practice being general and explaining what you want without saying that you need him to do it for you. This is in part how I got my man to change his mind about marriage - I told him marriage would be a part of my future and never implied that I needed him to be the one I'd be married to.

Tell him your why

A great communication tactic (with anyone) is to tell your why. Notice, I didn’t say explain your why - because, you never have to explain yourself. Your why empowers you, it inspires and it cuts through the noise. Your why also helps to make sure this is truly something you want. If you can’t identify your why, it may not be as important to you as you think.

Leave space

Since you may be feeling particularly vulnerable, silence may be difficult to handle. Nevertheless, you need to allow space for your mister to both think and reply because a) it’s the respectful thing to do and b) only then will you know what you need to know from him - either way.

Detach from the results

Ok, this is much easier said than done but if you can release your control over the outcome and allow what will be to be, you’ll be happier and your energy will be much, much lighter!

Finally, I’d like to add that a more natural approach is to be honest the whole way through. Instead of building up to a moment where you may feel like you’ve been hiding your true feelings up until that point, express yourself openly & honestly whenever the subject comes up. Sure, a more concrete talk about where things are going between you two may be necessary at some point, but you’ll be paving a much smoother path with continued honesty along the way.

Remember, when you don’t need someone because you're in a space of loving yourself, then your honest expression is simply a reflection of the respect you have for you - and him.

Peace, love and fruitful talks,

Diana