How to Have a Tough Conversation With Your Lover
It’s never fun prepping yourself to have a tough conversation with someone you love. And as I’m sure you can relate, it’s not always what someone says, but how they say it - so your preparation does go a really long way in how that conversation will turn out.
In light of this idea, and helping you prepare for the next time you need to “hash” it out with your partner, here’s a list of things to keep in mind.
Get aligned: What does that mean? Do what you need to do to feel as light, joyful and calm (as you can) before having that talk. This is KEY. The energy you bring to a conversation is everything; it will play a major role in how the message is heard, perceived and responded to. Do ya’ll both a favour and take some time to take care of your emotional well-being before exploring more difficult terrains.
Go in with an open mind: You probably have a pretty clear agenda of how you see this convo going down and what you hope to get out of it. And that’s all good, clarity is important! Balance that with being ready to hear something that you may not have expected and be ready to hear and see things from the other’s perspective. There’s a good chance they see things in an entirely different way, and this conversation is an opportunity to learn more about their point of view.
Be clear and concise: Anything else is confusing and unfruitful.
Be gentle: Your clear message speaks for itself, there’s no reason to raise your voice - unless of course, you’re looking for a fight.
Be prepared with your why: It’s not enough to simply know what you want, you need to be prepared to explain to your partner why you want something or why this topic is so important to you. This is your chance to appeal to their logical side, which will also gives you a greater opportunity to be heard.
Avoid blanket statements: This means avoiding saying things like “you always” or “you never” - a sure fire way to get their defences up.
And on that note, put your guards down: Give your loved one a chance to express themselves without fearing your reaction. Breathe, pause before you respond and remember that you’re having this conversation because you want things to improve. This is not war.
Which brings me to my final point, make your goal to create more love and understanding: There’s nothing that creates more intimacy than expressing yourself and listening and learning from the one you love. If you can go into this conversation with a sense of curiosity and discovery, and less of an agenda of proving yourself right, you’ve already won. By creating a safe space for both of you to express yourselves, you also create a real opportunity to foster more love and understanding between you and your partner. There’s nothing more satisfying than that.
Peace, love and smoother tough conversations,
Diana