Why I Don't Love My Son More Than I Love Myself
“What kind of mother doesn’t love her child more than herself? I thought Diana was a Love Coach? Shouldn’t she be head over heels in love with her son?”
Oh yes, that I am. I love that little being with every fiber of my body. And yet, I don’t see the value in loving him more than I love myself. In fact, I think it would be extremely harmful.
By claiming, or even feeling that I love my son more, I would essentially be grasping onto him for love, trying to feed my hungry heart. I would be burdening him with the responsibility of filling my empty cup. I would be holding onto his every word, his every action as a reflection of my own worth. I would be putting my happiness and wellbeing in his hands and he would be burdened by it.
This scenario is all too familiar to my younger self, who seeked the love of others before tapping into her own.
No, I will not do that to myself, and certainly not to the little boy who makes the already overflowing love in my heart spill right over onto his.
The thing that we cannot ignore, whether we’re talking about the relationship we have with our lovers, friends or even our children, is that if we don’t have an abundance of love to share, then what we’re doing instead consciously or not, is trying to get it from the ones we focus our attention on.
I will not burden my child that way.
Yes, my little boy Cedrik makes my heart feel fuller. Yes, just one look at him makes the dark seem so bright. And yes, I’m there for him through thick and thin and will love him endlessly until my last breath.
And I will not love him more than I love myself. Because that would be a disservice to him.
What I will do is feed my soul with what makes me happy inside and outside of motherhood.
I will choose to love myself over and over again so that I can be the wholest version of myself and an embodiment of what loving yourself truly looks like. I will love him boundlessly and still maintain my boundaries. I will show him what it looks like to love yourself so freaking much, that sharing that love with another comes effortlessly. I will be centered in myself so that he can learn how to find his own anchor. I will show him that the love he’s wanting to feel and experience in his life comes from within. I will be the example of all of this, by filling my own cup and sharing what runs over.
This is the best way I know how to teach him about love. And I hope it rings a bell within you, too.
The best kind of love we can offer is the kind that comes from feeling so full inside, we so generously want to share it with another.
Peace & so much inner love,
Diana