The Victim And The Villain

There’s a storyline I see play out far too often in relationships and it pains my heart.

It’s the story of the victim and the villain.

The story goes like this:

More often than not, the woman is playing the role of the victim. She gives and gives and gives to her partner.

She takes inventory of their relationship problems, and continues to address them and tries fixing them.

She talks about her man, thinks about her man and wonders why he doesn’t seem to care even a fraction of what she cares.

She may even put up with being dismissed, and mistreated. It’s hard to tell because she’s so involved, she can’t see clearly.

And contrary to what she tells herself, she values the relationship more than herself.

She feels trapped by her own feelings; she can’t live with him and can’t live without him.

If she takes on the role of the victim, he inadvertently takes on the role of the villain – true or not.

This is balance at play.

A victim needs a villain.
A villain needs a victim.

One can’t exist without the other.

In this case, he as the villain is the over-taker.

She gives, he receives.

She tries, he resists.

She chases, he runs.

She loves him more than she loves herself, which is not really love at all. She resents him.

He can’t see her worth and doesn’t treat her the way she deserves.

The more she tries, the more he pulls away. The more he pulls away, the more she feels sad and bad for herself – which makes her want to try even harder.

The antidote? Stopping the over-giving, over-thinking and over-doing in its tracks.

This will lead to one of two things:

1. The dynamic of the relationship completely shifts to reflect her newfound sense of self-worth.

2. It becomes blatantly obvious he has no place in her world.

Either way, the path to real love starts to open, her energy is restored and she sees that she is only a victim if she lets herself be.

And on the other side?

Her Queen self awaits, and her King follows.

With love,
Diana