Wounded Expectations

Wounded Expectations

Think back to the last time you had an expectation that wasn’t met by your partner or someone you’ve even just started dating casually.


Maybe you wanted your partner to surprise you with a romantic gesture or offer to take over some of the household chores.


Or maybe you were hoping the guy you’ve just started seeing would invite you out with his friends or tell you he hasn’t stopped thinking about you since the last time he’s seen you.


Whatever the expectation might be — take a moment to reflect on it, then drop out of your head and into your heart and ask yourself this question:


Is this expectation coming from a wounded place?


What I’ve observed in my clients and even in myself over the last few years is that the answer in most cases is an absolute yes.


We look to our special person to mend our wounds by doing all the things we think will make us feel more adequate, more beautiful, more recognized.


And when they don’t — we either sulk and get really quiet, or rise up and get really mad.


So now we have a wounded expectation matched with a wounded response.

A tricky and messy place.


I can tell you now that at the core of most wounded expectations (let’s be clear that some expectations and standards are healthy AND necessary) is the belief that you are not enough/not worthy/not seen.


Knowing that this belief is deeply anchored in fear and lack when what you are wanting to experience is love – how can you replace this belief with one that is more steeped in love?


Please, don’t attempt a 180-degree turn here. Instead, try something like this:


“Every day, I see a little more clearly how worthy I am.”


Now, standing in her shoes, as someone who knows she’s worthy and doesn’t need to have this validated by her significant other, what expectations does she have? And what expectations does she drop like a hot potato?


Seriously, I would L O V E to know!


With love,

Leave a reply