Photo Credit – Unsplash
Over the top weddings are overrated.
I recently got engaged to my mister awesome. So naturally, I’ve started to give weddings a little more thought. Sure, I want a beautiful dress and a nice setting to say our vows, but besides that, I (we), would really like to keep it simple. I’m a lot more invested in the marriage than the wedding (day).
I’ve also been giving more thought to how often women go into bride character the split second they get engaged – and how stressful that can all be.
I mean first of all, I think it’s a lot of pressure to put on your own damn self – the pressure of suddenly being in bride character for the next year or so of your life. Like, what happens to your previous identity and all the other things you were doing before – do they take a back seat to invitations, wedding favours and flower arrangements? If suddenly the spotlight were shining on me and my looming nuptials, it would hype things (and me) into a state of anxiety. I would also have very little time or energy left to work on all the other things that keep me feeling so alive – like Ask Diana, and the relationship with my man, my friends, my family – myself. I much prefer keeping things on the down low.
I would also argue that “cold feet” has a lot more to do with being nervous of taking the center stage on your wedding day, than an actual fear of getting married.
But there’s more.
The bride character can also be damaging to relationships – including the one you’re supposed to be celebrating. It tends to put an unnecessary burden on the bride and her significant other, by hyper focusing on the details and aiming for wedding day perfection. Expectations suddenly become outrageously high, and brides start to demand (under the guise of a request) a lot from their friends – outrageous bachelorette parties, bridal showers, rehearsal dinners, makeup, hair, gifts – it’s all too much! I would caution against asking too much of friends (and even family). A wedding and marriage is between the two people making the commitment, so it’s a good idea to keep some perspective. While it may be a special day – no one’s being crowned as queen of the world. The world and all its beauty and misery will go on, business as usual.
To alleviate some of the pressure that comes with weddings, my suggestion is to go about life as usual (as in be yourself, not the bride character version of you), keep the planning (and all the celebrations in between) to a minimal – and be reasonable. Focus on the bigger picture, the here and now.
Saying yes to spending my life with my mister didn’t feel like a decision, it simply felt like a natural progression of our love. And nothing’s changed since. Yes, we’re excited to have a small celebration, but he’s not in husband-to-be character and myself in bride-to-be. He’s Jack, and I’m Diana.
Peace, love and caution of the bride character,