The conversation about how much effort to put into dating has come up a lot lately between my clients and single friends. Each one wants to know and debates the question, to date or not to date online?
If you’re not meeting many people in your day to day experience, going online is a good way to warm up that dating muscle. You can keep those muscles warm with light weights by checking your app once a day and being selective about who you go out with – you don’t ever need to venture into heavy lifting – aka obsess and go on a dating rampage.
You might be feeling a little (or a lot) of resistance to going online. And I get it. I mean the mind loves what’s familiar and so if this isn’t familiar to you – or if you’ve had terrible experiences in the past – your mind is likely to find all the reasons why you shouldn’t do it.
And you certainly don’t have to.
But if deep inside there’s a nudge that says, give it a try. Then try it!
It’s like when I started my meditation practice. At first, I had to “choose” every day to do this thing that I knew would be great for me (and so naturally, the mind resisted). It required constant choosing, and sometimes doing it when I really didn’t want to
And now, I do it so naturally most days, and only when I do want to. I created enough momentum by choosing to meditate daily for so long, that now, I’ve found my own natural rhythm.
By getting the ball rolling and creating momentum, you can then start to ease into this new activity with more ease, and flow, and way less of a regimen.
A few things to keep in mind to help you get the best results:
- Go online and go on your dates with joy, or don’t do it all! You don’t only want to align your actions with your vision, you also want to feel aligned before you take any action. In other words, check your energy and make sure you’re bringing your best (whatever that authentically means to you).
- Don’t treat dating like a process, numbers game or means to an end – finding your boyfriend. Do treat it like an adventure and approach it with curiosity and the willingness to learn more about yourself and your likes.
- When you start feeling like you’re trying to hard and are getting disappointed with the results (or lack thereof) take a step back!
With all this said, I want you to know that you do not have to go online and you do not have to meet your future partner online, either. It’s quite possible you can have that serendipitous meeting on a street corner – like I did with my husband, Jack!
I tried online dating for a short little while, and even though it wasn’t where I met my match, it did help get me warmed up. It also helped me exude my new found sense of worthiness, and watch how that was reflected back to me in the men who wanted so desperately to be my boyfriends. I treated online dating like a fun little experiment, open to possibilities and exploring people I may have otherwise written off.
So if you’re feeling the slightest bit curious, go ahead and give it a try. If it’s not for you, all you have to do is sign off! The worst case scenario is you’ll meet a few strange ones along the way and have some interesting stories to share; the best is you’ll discover more about yourself and meet someone who loves you exactly as you are.
Peace & love,