Talk About How You Feel

Talk About How You Feel

It continues to amaze me how afraid we are to talk about how we feel…especially in the context of our love lives.

There’s a “secret” that really no longer needs to be a secret, that talking about your feelings and connecting through your emotions is the way to falling in love.

But we are so afraid of doing so because a) we’ve been told that scares men and b) we’ve seen evidence of this.

And this “evidence” has come around because we have dumped our emotions in ways that are not healthy, respectful to ourselves, or the person on the receiving end.

And they inevitably freak out, panic and don’t want to deal with it – because it’s too big a burden.

What I’m nudging you towards is talking about your feelings in a way that isn’t burdensome, in a way that isn’t immature, and in a way that is completely conducive to connection.

And, the key to making him “fall in love.”

Evidence of this came even more clearly to me a couple of weeks ago.

It was Sunday and it marked the last day of the “holidays”. 

I was in the kitchen with Jack, my husband, and Cedrik, our son.

And I was overcome by emotion. I was suddenly feeling nostalgic and sad, that our time together after spending two weeks immersed in each other’s presence, was coming to an end.

And I missed my family who lives a couple of hours away and who I got to see so much of over the holidays. 

I was sitting quietly and Jack looked at me and said, “are you ok?”.

I responded, “honestly, I’m a bit sad. I miss my family, and honestly, I’m going to miss this.” I shed a few tears and he came swooping in.

You know that little fantasy we all have (whether we admit it or not), of a man coming in with a protective and “hero-like” energy – it was right there in front of me.

And even beyond that, we were deeply connecting.

All of my walls were down and he stood there as a strong vessel, holding me while I allowed myself to release emotion.

Now, I’m not saying that men want you to cry and be emotional.

What I’m saying is that it takes a certain comfort with your emotions, to bring down your and his walls.

And you can start this in ways that feel simple, easy and light.

You can do this by saying how you feel from day to day.

When you get a message from your man asking how your day was, instead of just saying, “good”, you could say something like:

“I’m feeling really inspired today. Or I’m feeling a bit tired. Or I’m feeling really excited about x,y,z. Or I’m feeling a bit nervous about a,b,c.”

In doing so, you drop subtle cues that you’re very comfortable with your feelings, which allows him to feel comfortable with his own.

And most men haven’t been encouraged to be in touch with their feelings since they were very little. 

By inviting him to feel comfortable in accessing his own feelings, or even being safe to be around yours, there’s a sense of coming home for him.

That sense of coming home is, as we all know, akin to the feeling of love.

So I ask you to talk about how you feel and start in ways that are easy and doable.

Use the words, “I feel”.

As a woman, one of your innate strengths is accessing your emotions – but you’ve been shut off from that.

So I invite you and quite frankly urge you, to start talking more about how you feel.

Connect with your feelings. Take time to connect with your feelings, every day, several times a day.

And you will see how the men flock and are so deeply attracted to you and want to be in your space, not even knowing why.

So let me know…

What is the scariest thing for you when it comes to talking about how you feel? And what’s one outlet you can play with to start practicing this today?

 

With love,

Diana X

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