You’re a modern woman dating in a modern world and yet still, you’re not quite sure…should a woman approach a man?
We’ve been taught that men love a chase – and from our experience and our limited perspectives, this has often proven to be true. So where does that leave us as women? Can we go after what we want, too?
My short answer: Yes.
My long answer has a little more to it. So before you start approaching every hottie you see, here are a few things to consider. You are after all, a Queen.
If you’re more of the traditional kind and want to attract a man who will pursue you, a good starting point is to establish a connection with your eye candy with eye contact first – it’s a great way to warm up and possibly, “summon him over”. This allows you to flirt while you remain in your feminine space, and still have him “do the work” of coming over to you.
If you’re feeling more adventurous, here are some gentle and empowering guidelines:
1. Detach from the outcome:
So you spotted a guy you find attractive and you’re feeling curious. I want you to only approach him because it’s fun – not because you’re hoping to create something out of it! And for the love of you, please don’t let his reaction (positive or not) be a reflection of your self-worth. If he doesn’t respond the way you hoped for, chalk it up to him being in a relationship or being gay. Whatever makes you feel good is a good call here. Again, only go for it if you’re feeling fun and flirty and aren’t concerned about how it turns out! You’re having a good time, and shouldn’t take this too seriously.
2. Check your energy:
Which leads us perfectly into #2. If you’re feeling insecure, this is not the time to be putting yourself out there. While this isn’t about his reaction, if you’re not feeling yourself then talking to him is either your attempt for self-validation or self-sabotage, neither of which will serve you. Before you approach him, make sure you’re feeling light-hearted, free and confident. If you feel called to go for it, then go for it! If not, then opt for a smile instead.
3. Put out what you’re really about:
This idea that you have to be overly sexy to approach a guy is so far off the mark. In fact, all the men I know would much rather a woman didn’t come off overly sexual. If a one night stand isn’t what you’re looking for then you don’t need to lead with sex. Be yourself and don’t over complicate things. A simple “hi, how’s your day/night going” is really enough! Or better yet, ask a question. For instance, if you’re at a coffee shop, ask him what he’s reading or drinking. You can also ask him to watch your laptop when you go to the ladies room. Then, strike up a little conversation and be your genuine self. Even if it goes no where, you’ve practiced “connecting” with someone new; this is a beautiful way to stay open to all kinds of new connections.
Most importantly, remember that you never need to force or make something happen; whether flirting from a distance or up close and personal, this is all part of the fun of being single and exploring your options. Keep it light and easy! What is meant for you will find you when the time is right – as hard as that may be to believe from where you’re sitting right now.
are all on a journey. Some of us have the love, but feel we’re missing the health, the money or the adventure. Some of us have all of those things, and are missing the love. And then there are others who realize nothing is ever really missing, that the unfolding of life’s journey can actually be enjoyable, and that all is well.
Peace & love,