The Difference Between Being Self-Absorbed and Loving Yourself

The Difference Between Being Self-Absorbed and Loving Yourself

It’s easy to confuse someone who loves themself, as someone who’s self-absorbed; from the outside, they may look the same. But the difference is major.

If you’re self-absorbed you operate from a place of lack, fear and insecurity. You do your damnedest to control situations and people in a way that pleases you because you need things to go your way to validate your self-worth. There’s a reliance on everything that’s outside of you to feel good because you haven’t (yet) embraced your innate self-worth. This can make you use others to your benefit, seek attention and try to squeeze the most out of situations and people.

With an internal cup that feels empty, there’s an insatiable thirst you’re always trying to quench. Instead of thinking, ‘what can I do for you’, the lack mindset of a self-absorbed person always brings you back to ‘what can you do for me.’ And while you may appear to be confident, you crumble when things don’t go your way. “Satisfaction” comes from the outside-in and yet, you’re rarely able to enjoy much of what comes your way.

But I have a feeling you’re much more of the self-loving kind. Someone who’s satisfied from the inside-out.

You have inner strength and genuine love for yourself and others, and your reality reflects that back to you. Ultimately, you experience the same privileges the self-absorbed person is trying so hard to achieve, simply by reflecting love. Your authentic kindness makes people, situations and life yield to you, and by living in your truth of love, you’re also of the highest service to others. It’s really a win-win for everyone; a natural cycle of give and take.  

The difference between being self-absorbed and loving yourself, is that when you love yourself, you’re able to generate your own sense of self-worth, independent of outside conditions. You know very well, it’s an inside job. And since your cup is full with your own love, you have lots to share and a greater ability to receive.

When you’re self-absorbed, you’re fuelled by a need to control; when you’re self-loving, you’re fuelled by an appreciation of your worth, and that of others.

Being self-absorbed isn’t evil; it’s simply a state of lacking self-love. At some point, you and I both may find ourselves on the self-absorbed side of the scale, and that’s ok. The good news is, there’s always a way to return to self-love.

Peace & love,


  1. Ooooos, I meant to leave my comment here: "One of my favourites pieces ❤ bravo!"

    1. I'll take it anywhere you leave it :) In a self-loving way of course hehe thank you darling <3

  2. excellent post!

    1. Thank you, Brandi!!


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