Relationship Fix That Works

Relationship Fix That Works – My Unpopular Opinion

What’s the biggest struggle you have in your relationship, whether past or present?

 

My guess is whatever it is, you’ve tried one of three strategies:

 

  1. Ignore it and hope it goes away.
  2. Communicate about it with as much calmness as you can muster up.
  3. Fight about it, hoping your tears will motivate him to change.

 

As an advocate of tough love when needed I’m going to spell it out nice and clear for you:

 

None of these strategies will work – not for very long anyway.

 

What will work?

 

Easing the relationship “environment” before trying to make changes to the relationship.

 

A relationship environment is akin to temperature or texture, whichever helps you visualize it better.

 

Is it warm? Do you both feel seen and heard? Do you both feel safe to express yourselves? Is it light and flowy?

 

Or is it cold, and dense with little room for movement and change?

 

Easing the relationship environment is like taking a big exhale and letting things settle between you and your man. Say it with me now, ahhhhhhhhh.

 

It means temporarily dropping some of the “issues” and placing the greater focus on how you want to show up in your relationship, and how you want him to feel around you.

 

I know this is hard.

 

And yes blow up fights may happen, and they may even still have their place.

 

This is about spending more time on your own, peeling back the layers of what’s really bothering you and why. The fact that he doesn’t clean the dishes as soon as you ask him to is not at the core of the issue. That is the surface problem. Until you get to the heart of the matter, any attempts of change will be temporary.

 

As you spend more time in introspection you will find more calmness within yourself.

 

This will ease the tension in your relationship.

 

As this happens, your partnership will get stronger and THEN you can come together and collaborate on solutions, rather than insisting on problems.

 

I know this is asking a lot, but it is necessary if you want to maintain that feeling of being in love.

 

To help you with this:

 

  • Think about things that spark tension in your relationship that you can truly let go – the things that are not major misalignment in values, but have more to do with the ego flaring up. 
  • You can also change the lens of how you see the relationship by practicing gratitude. Write out the things you love about your partner, or simply, imagine his face and allow the feeling of love to move through you (my personal fave).
  • Touch him in subtle ways. Go in for a long hug, put your hand on his chest or his back. Caress his hands.
  • Make little jokes and laugh with him.

 

Let more things slide and watch the relationship breathe. As you do, your perspective will change.

 

And most of those problems you wanted to discuss? They won’t exist anymore.

 

And the ones that remain will be dealt with beautifully, by two people who love each other – and maybe even more importantly, who feel safe around one another.

 

I urge you, listen to this, apply this and thank yourself for it later.

 

With love,
Diana

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