Part II – Can Trust be Regained And If So – How?

As I approach the second part of my article on trust – and if it can be regained, I am conscious to be as clear and concise as possible in this message. I wish more than anything, for this to give some clarity and peace to any of you who may be battling with this issue, at this very moment. In case you didn’t read Part 1, for the sake of this topic, I will be referring to romantic relationships between men and women, where the man has lost the woman’s trust, for any given reason – needless to say, the reverse can also be the case.

Both Partners Have to Want It

Let me start by saying this: the only hope for reinstating trust in the relationship is if both partners, equally wish to make this happen. All too often, I witness my female friends hoping, praying and wishing that some miracle take place, to make them trust their men again. On the flip side, if the woman does not truly want to trust her man again, then she will find every reason not to. And if the man is not desperate enough to gain it back, then that is pretty much the end of that road. So again, let me be very clear in stating that both people in the relationship must be equally eager, ready and open, for trust to return to the relationship.

Time

The next extremely important point is realistic time expectations, on behalf of both people. This is where I think a lot of the mending falls apart, because one, or both people, have unrealistic expectations as to how long this will actually take. Trust cannot be magically puffed back into a relationship, the only way trust can make a comeback is by being earned- ya you guessed it…over time.

Boundaries

This is the super tricky part. The woman, being the one who no longer has trust in her man, must be true to herself in deciding what her new boundaries are. Be very cautious not to use these boundaries as a method of punishment, but instead as a method of respecting yourself and the possibility of a renewed relationship. She must stand strong to these boundaries until the softness and reliability of trust have made its triumphant return – and the man, he must respect these new boundaries, at all times.

Demeanour and Atmosphere

Now by no means is this going to be easy, but it is of utmost importance that the woman not make her man’s life a living hell, by constantly questioning him and rehashing the past. She must do her best instead to be calm, centered, and observant. The atmosphere cannot be an electric one, or I can promise you, this journey of regaining trust is doomed to fail. If you choose to give it a go, you must truthfully and honestly give it a go – otherwise, simply cut your losses and move on. In the case of the man, he should be completely transparent, willing to share anything and everything with his woman. The atmosphere should be as “trusting” as possible, since you, the woman, have already set your boundaries in place and should not, in this case, be fearful of being deceived.

But How is Trust Regained? Consistency & Communication

Now I’m sure you’re all thinking ok, great, but HOW does he even begin gaining my trust back? There are two ways: consistency & communication. The roads of communication between the two of you must be a two-way street and completely fluid – flowing from one to the next. Communication is key, in any relationship. If you’re feeling insecure – speak up. If you’re having a moment of anger – speak up (gently). Trust each other enough, even momentarily, to share your feelings in a calm space. The next thing is consistency. The man (and of course the woman too), must remain consistent. If they say they are going to call – that’s what they have to do. If they say they are going to do something specific, or show up somewhere –then that’s exactly what must be done. Remaining consistent is how we ultimately trust people in an organic way. Remain consistent and remain consistent in communicating with one another, and you may find yourselves further along the road to recovery than you could have ever imagined.… And on that note, it looks there will be a part-three to “Can Trust be Regained and if so- How?” Stay tuned.

Peace, love and trust part II,

Diana