Hold it Dear, Not Tight

Hold it Dear, Not Tight

There’s a difference between holding something dear and holding something tight.


One is born out of love, the other out of fear.


One anchored in trust, the other in worry.


One is a symbol of your sense of worthiness, the other a symptom of your lack thereof.


And let me just say, that it is perfectly ok and natural to oscillate between the two.


What’s important is the awareness around where you’re operating from.


See, when you hold something dear – like let’s say a new budding relationship, you nurture it, care for it and pay attention to it, but you also give it space to breathe.


When you hold something tight – you squeeze it so hard you either suffocate it or it oozes out the sides of your hands. You kill it and all of its potential.


For the more spiritual types, this is the difference between attachment and detachment.


Detachment is not synonymous to uncaring. Detachment is a Buddhist principle that instills peace, trust, and surrender.


If COVID-19 is showing us anything at all, it is that we have been upholding a false sense of control this whole time. That there is a force larger than us that is conspiring with us, and that is the one guiding us, not the other way around.


Your need to control is deeply rooted in fear. I know this because I’m a recovering control freak.


How do I know I’m trying to control?


I feel uptight. My body literally feels contracted. When I’m in a space of control I grind my teeth and hold my breath – the ultimate signs of fear. 


I’m also wise enough to know by now, nothing great comes from this place.


So I start by acknowledging my fear, digging into it and then finding relief – first emotional and then physical.


I breathe deeply, move my body by exercising, dancing or walking, and I physically expand my body – relax my muscles, relax my hands and open my chest.


If you find yourself holding someone tight, please know, this is a fear-based action.


And with fear behind the driver’s seat, you will only be led to more situations and experiences of fear.


The antidote to this fear is love.


What is the most loving empowering thing you could do for yourself right now?

How can you allow yourself to feel more love for yourself?

If love (which is synonymous to trust) were behind the wheel, what would it tell you to do (or not do) with this relationship right now?


Your clenched fist is literally closed off from receiving love.


Relax your hands, surrender and ask for the Universe’s support. 


This is trust, this is love, this is holding something dear, not tight.


With love,

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