Be His Partner, Not His Boss

Be His Partner, Not His Boss

If you’re a woman with any kind of ambition (and something tells me that you are), you may find it very challenging not to use that same focused willpower on your man.

 

You want him…

  • to be more ambitious
  • clean up after himself
  • do a better job managing his time
  • join you in some of your rituals (meditation, anyone?)
  • open up about his feelings

 

While these are all amazing things, there are a couple of things you might be missing:

 

  1. This implies that you know better than him.

  2. You’re attempting to be his leader/teacher/guide/superior/mother/boss.

 

When you take this stance you move from being his partner to his boss. He has to defend his point of view and try to measure up to you. If you’re familiar with the term emasculated, this would be a good time to insert it here.

 

And listen, I totally get it – I can be quite the bossy babe myself.

 

My ego loves to be “right”, sitting up on its pretty high horse, pointing its finger.

 

But you know what this does to my relationship? 

 

Squeezes the life out of it, slowly but surely.

 

I’m here to tell you, there IS another way! A way that feels like ease and love, a way that brings you two together rather than driving a big f***ing wedge between the two of you.

 

  1. Become aware of what triggers you since that will be the flame that lights your fire (and not in a good way). What things does he say, do, not do, that cause you to want to boss him around?

  2. Dig into your triggers, understand why they are truly there. It’s never the surface story of, “I wish he would just help around more.”

  3. Have a plan to handle your triggers so they don’t escalate into fights and you don’t promote yourself to CEO of his life.

  4. Reframe the original premise that ‘you know best,’ and that you are absolutely right. This is one of the hardest parts of the process and an absolutely necessary one (If you want to know “HOW” to do this, then you need to work with me 😉)

  5. See things from his point of view, too. How do you think this is all making him feel? How is it impacting your relationship? Is this behaviour helpful?

  6. Redirect your focus to what you do love about him and what he is doing well. Yes, a good dose of gratitude is called for.

  7. Drop the criticism for some time, and when the environment settles in your relationship, have a co-creative conversation with him where you each come with your strengths to find solutions.

 

I know this is asking a lot. It’s asking you to examine your patterns, question your beliefs, and choose a new way of being.

 

I also know you don’t want to be your partner’s mother or boss. You want to be his partner! And so you, first and foremost, need to start acting that way.

 

Remember that you chose this man because there are things you love about him, things he teaches you, things he does even better than you!

 

If this sounds “great” but you want help in applying it to your life and relationship, get in touch and let’s have a chat.

I’ve helped hundreds of women create the love they’re worthy of, and I can do the same for you, too.

 

With love,
Diana

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