Like it or not, the only person you can truly change is you.
Sure…you might be capable of swaying people to do what you want or what you think is best from time to time, but long-lasting change is something you can only impact upon yourself. So it’s important not to take it for granted – because owning it will drastically improve your life in ways you, and I, can’t even begin to imagine.
When it comes to relationships it’s time (for all of us) to take a more honest (and, always loving) look at ourselves and identify the areas we might need to do a little work on too.
A.k.a, take accountability in your relationships.
Playing the helpless victim card doesn’t do anything to raise your character, skills, or life; all it does is take you out of the driver’s seat. That’s why, so many people think life happens, “to them”.
Say hello to possibilities…
If there are things that make you unhappy in your relationship, you have a few obvious options to get you out of your funk:
- Stay in the relationship and make peace with things as they are
- Change the way you see things or change the way you approach them
- Leave the relationship
Let’s say the problems in your relationship don’t fall into higher threat categories like abuse or addiction, but are more about the synergy between you and in this other being, then it may do you some good to do a little self-inventory. Take an honest look at how you could be contributing to the issues.
I remember a time, when I leaned heavily on a boyfriend for my happiness. I looked to him to be the major source of it and when he wasn’t, it hurt…really bad. I was coming from a place of lack – lack of happiness and self-love. There was space in my cup that I was hoping to fill with someone else’s love.
So, I chose partners who didn’t have the capacity to give me the “happiness” I was looking for…and then, I would sabotage the relationship by wanting it from them even more. Let me tell you, it wasn’t much fun for anyone.
If you’re running into walls of frustration in your relationship, stop and ask yourself some questions about how you got there, and what your part in this equation is.
Are your expectations too high? Did you start with a low bar and now expect this person to suddenly try harder? Did you choose someone who isn’t legit boyfriend or girlfriend material, and now you’re trying to mold them into something they’re not? Are you constantly picking on the “negative” instead of noticing the positive? Are you valuing yourself in the relationship?
There’s a long list of possibilities, and doing this kind of self-reflection can prove to be a challenge you may need to try several times. But it’s well worth the effort.
Recognize, in a non-critical way that there may be some things you’ve done, or ways you’ve approached things that have contributed to the issues you’re facing. If you’re suffering and in a truly terrible relationship, also recognize that you’ve accepted this in your life and you’ve chosen to stick around.
You’re not a victim to your life, circumstances, or relationships. You have options. And the first one begins with taking an honest look at your own internal battles and how you can improve upon them. Consider the possibility that you may not be so perfect either – and take it as an opportunity to grow, as a person and a partner.
Peace, love and accountability in your relationships,