A Woman Asked Me if She Should Make the First Move

A Woman Asked Me if She Should Make the First Move – Here’s My Reply

I recently had a woman ask me what I thought of her initiating with men she’s curious about.


She’s a Manifestor in Human Design (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, look it up – totally fascinating!) and so initiating is her inherent strategy. It’s worked well for making new friends, but it’s also left her feeling as though if she doesn’t make the move, nothing will happen.


Like any strength: left unchecked, it can quickly become your weakness.


She also wants to practice being more in her feminine, which of course adds another layer to her question.


I explained to her that you can take the same action with two totally different intentions. Her intentions require her greatest awareness.


One intention is centered around “I have to do this or I’m never going to get approached and I’m never going to meet anyone.”


You can see the obvious fear glaring out of this one.


The other intention is to strike up a conversation with someone who looks interesting for the fun of it. 


To stay grounded in curiosity and connection with little (read: no) focus on the outcome. 


This is an inspired action, anchored in joy.


I’m curious, as you’re reading this, can you feel the difference?


One is motivated by fear and scarcity: nothing will happen for me if I don’t make the first move.


The other is inspired by joy: this person looks interesting, I’m curious!


Here was the rest of my response to her:


The other thing I want you to think about is that even if you do initiate, (remember only if it feels fun to do so), it doesn’t mean you have to initiate everything from that point forward.


For example, let’s say you do initiate and connect with someone, you don’t have to make all the plans. You can simply initiate the first point of contact and let it be reciprocated – or not.


I also want you to think about the other ways to initiate besides striking up conversation.


It can be visualizing and drawing that person towards you.


Getting online.


Flirting with your eyes when you cross someone on the street (pre-COVID).


Let’s say you’re on Facebook, it could be liking or commenting on their posts.


There are different ways to initiate that I want you to get creative with.


What I want you to lean into is what feels most fun and empowering for you.


If initiating is a strength for you then you can run with that. Just make sure you’re not moving into the shadow side of it – which is using it as a way to act out of desperation because you think there’s no other way.


Imagine what it would look like to be courted. And how might initiation still play a part in that?


And what does it look like to initiate while being in your feminine? 


Can it be a come hither look or approaching him and saying something flirtatious? How can you apply your strength as a manifestor to initiate while still being in your feminine?



I drew you into this article by insinuating that I was going to answer the age-old question, “should a woman approach a man?”.


But what I’m really saying, and what I’m hoping you get out of this, is that it’s less about the action and way, way more about the intention behind it.


So I ask you to try this. For the rest of the day, notice your intentions behind your actions. 


What’s your intention when writing that email? Sending that text? Calling that person?


Where there is fear, pause and take notice, “I’m doing this because I want them to like me/think I’m useful/make sure he doesn’t forget me/insert your fear here.”


Then either don’t do it — or shift your energy before you do.


When you blend love, joy, and inspiration with action, the results that ensue will change the course of your life. This I know for sure.


With love,

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